When You Receive a Bad Performance Review
No one prepares for a bad performance review. If you’re reading this after the fact—after having received one—you might still be trying to make sense of it. Maybe you were completely caught off guard, like I was. Maybe you’re still reeling.
It’s possible you received negative feedback because your performance slipped. Or maybe it came from a manager who doesn’t have your back. Or—if your experience was anything like mine—you were simply misunderstood.
Whatever the reason, receiving a poor performance review leaves you feeling stuck. You’re trying to pick up the pieces and find your path forward. You’re stressed about whether this will permanently stain your professional reputation. You’re anxious about how it might impact your career goals. And if you’re anything like me—someone prone to overthinking—you might also be wondering how you’re supposed to act normal around your supervisor from now on.
Let me set the scene.
This was my very first performance review at a new company I absolutely loved. I believed in its mission. I was excited to be there. I had been placed on a high-profile, challenging project and had received great feedback from both internal and external stakeholders. I felt proud of the work I’d done, and I’d built strong relationships with my team.
Everything seemed to be going well—until the review happened. I walked into that meeting feeling confident. I walked out reeling.
My manager—someone I respected deeply—had a reputation for excellence. She was incredibly skilled at what she did and was widely admired across the company, including by me. I had heard she could be a little tough when interviewing candidates (thankfully, I hadn’t been interviewed by her myself), but from the moment we met, we had a genuine appreciation and enthusiasm for one another. We had a lot in common, and I was excited to be working with her.
But during that first performance review, I felt deeply misunderstood. The feedback caught me completely off guard—not because it was cruel, but because the picture she painted of me felt so far from who I knew myself to be. That’s the part that stuck with me. For weeks—months, really—I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
And because I did respect her, it hurt all the more. I wanted to grow in this company. I wanted to thrive in this environment. And suddenly, I wasn’t sure if I could.
And let me be real—being a parent, with little ones depending on you, adds a whole other level of panic. It wasn’t just about professional pride. It was about stability. Providing. Keeping the momentum going for my family.
Weeks later, my manager and I revisited the conversation.
It wasn’t easy. I had to pause a few times just to keep from crying. But I was able to speak clearly and calmly. I shared specific scenarios and explained the context behind some of the decisions I had made—context she hadn’t been aware of. That conversation changed everything. It wasn’t instant, but it started the process of rebuilding trust.
Looking back now, years later, I can honestly say she and I have a strong relationship. We still keep in touch and talk about our kids and our careers. It wasn’t easy for either of us to get back to that place—but because there was a real foundation of mutual respect and admiration, we were able to move forward.
Here are a few things I learned from the experience:
1. Speak up along the way.
This is something I’m still working on. I tend to respect others’ time so much that I sometimes hold back from speaking up unless absolutely necessary. In the past, I’ve been guilty of thinking some things were too small to mention. But I’ve learned that regularly sharing context, even for seemingly minor things, makes a huge difference. It allows your manager to understand your perspective and back you up when it matters. To this day, I still fight that urge to stay silent if something feels not worth mentioning. But keeping your manager in the loop ensures they can advocate for you when needed.
2. Open up about your working style.
Before this job, I came from a highly competitive and intense work environment—one that ultimately drove me to start job searching for something more balanced. In that previous environment, I developed certain survival habits that, at the time, helped me navigate the challenges. But those skills weren’t always understood—or necessary—in this new setting.
It’s not always easy to open up about your past experiences, but doing so can help your manager see where you’re coming from. Everyone’s work history shapes who they are today. Being open about that builds understanding.
3. If you receive poor feedback, ask for specifics.
It’s tempting to shut down or freeze when negative feedback hits you. But this is actually your best opportunity to understand exactly how you’ve been perceived. Ask for specific examples, and offer any context that might have been missed.
This doesn’t have to turn into a debate—but it’s absolutely okay to say, “I’d love to give some more background on that situation.”
4. Don’t feel pressured to respond right away.
If you’re caught off guard, ask for time to process the feedback and follow up later. And just so you know: you can request a follow-up meeting anytime. Even if it’s a month later and it’s still eating away at you, it’s okay to go back and say, “I’ve taken some time to reflect and would appreciate a chance to revisit our conversation.”
What matters most is that your manager sees you’re coming from a genuine place. Explain that you needed time to reflect—and that now, you’re ready to share your thoughts. That vulnerability and thoughtfulness can go a long way.
5. If you disagree, it’s okay to say so—with respect.
You don’t have to overly thank someone for feedback you truly don’t agree with. It’s okay to say, “I see things a little differently, and I’d like to gather my thoughts and circle back.”
You can disagree and still be professional. You can advocate for yourself and still remain respectful.
The Bottom Line
This is about finding your voice again. About reclaiming your sense of worth and clarity—even in a moment that left you shaken.
And I want to acknowledge something else: not every situation is as fortunate as mine. Some people do have toxic managers or work environments. If that’s your reality, please know you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay in that space forever. Seek support. Talk to a mentor or counselor. Start exploring new opportunities. You deserve to work in an environment where your voice is heard and your effort is valued.
We all fall short sometimes. We all make mistakes. But at the very least, your manager should be willing to hear your side of the story—and help you grow from it.
Have you ever had a performance review that took you by surprise? How did you recover?