Let’s Talk About Workplace Friendships
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how we navigate relationships at work. With more people working remotely, changing jobs frequently, or re-evaluating what they want from their careers, the question of whether or not to build real friendships at work feels more relevant than ever.
As someone who’s grown from a young team member to someone who’s held leadership roles, I’ve learned that relationships at work shape your career just as much as the job itself. This is what no one told me early on—and what I want to share now.
When I was first starting out, I didn’t know whether it was safe—or even smart—to become close friends with people I worked with.
I worried that friendships could go south, and I’d be left trying to work professionally with someone I no longer trusted. I also learned firsthand that dynamics change once you step into leadership roles. Even strong friendships can shift when one person is suddenly supervising the other.
In my case, all but one peer remained a close friend even after that shift. We kept up the camaraderie—chatting about life, checking out new local restaurants, and supporting each other through tough days. But that one strained relationship taught me something too. Competitiveness crept in. Conversations became stilted. And at the time, I didn’t yet have the experience—or the tools—to coach someone through that kind of change. Honestly, I’m not sure they would’ve been open to it even if I had.
Then there were times I found myself working with someone who came on too strong, socially speaking. One person even Googled me to find out my age—a detail I held very closely. Why? Because throughout my career, I’ve often been the youngest (or one of the youngest) on the team. It’s been hard enough to be taken seriously. Once, after pointing out an error in a report, a colleague pulled me aside and said, “I’m sure you are a very nice little girl”. That moment stuck with me, not because it hurt my feelings—but because it revealed the uphill battle I’d been fighting without even realizing it.
So yes, I’ve often played it safe when it came to forming friendships at work. And sometimes that made sense. But other times, it meant I missed out—at least at first.
There’s one moment in particular that comes to mind. I had just started a new job alongside someone who was eager to connect. She wanted to be friends. She wanted to go through the onboarding experience together. And I—predictably—withdrew. I probably came across as a brick wall. I didn’t know if I could trust it. I was still carrying around the emotional weight of past workplace experiences—relationships gone sour, awkward boundary-crossing moments, and yes… coworkers Googling me.
But here’s the twist: that person turned out to be one of my favorite people ever.
Over time, I realized her eagerness came from a place of nerves. She was scared about the new job—just like I was. That realization shattered whatever wall I had up. We connected. We laughed. We leaned on each other. And we formed a bond that I know will last a lifetime.
What’s funny is that, despite all my hesitation, I can count on two hands the number of genuine, long-term friendships I’ve built through work. And for someone who’s always kept a tight-knit circle, that means a lot. We’ve celebrated each other’s birthdays, baby showers, and new chapters. We’ve been each other’s references, job-search partners, and late-night venting buddies. These friendships didn’t just make work better. They made me better.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not suggesting you become best friends with every colleague. I’ve had my fair share of coworkers who overshared or crossed lines. Not every work connection needs to evolve into something deeper. But some of the most rewarding relationships in my life came from places I least expected—cubicles, project teams, coffee breaks, and awkward first Zoom calls.
If you’re feeling hesitant, you’re not alone.
I’ve been there. But some of the most rewarding friendships of my life came from the workplace—and I would’ve missed out on them if I had stayed closed off. Maybe it’s worth asking yourself: Is there someone at work you’ve been keeping at arm’s length who could turn out to be a lifelong friend?
You never know until you let the wall down just a little.