If you’re anything like me, it can feel like you’re constantly tracking a million things—because, let’s be real, you probably are.
For me, when I’m not working, I’m homeschooling. When I’m on my phone, I’m not mindlessly scrolling—I’m paying bills, placing grocery orders, replying to a quick message from the pediatrician, or managing something for the house. Mindless scrolling? That’s more of a limited-time event than a regular habit.
Life is often full, nonstop, and a little chaotic. And yet, in the middle of all that, I’ve come to realize something powerful: the way I respond to my kids—the tone, the presence, the connection—matters just as much as the words I say.
I’m not just talking about using a gentle tone—this isn’t a lesson on gentle parenting. I mean truly engaging with your child in the moment. Being present.
One simple shift has made a difference in our home
Putting my phone down (like, actually face down) and making eye contact when my kids talk to me—and waiting until they look away before I get back to what I was doing.
That’s it. That tiny decision shifted something in our home.
When we pause long enough to make eye contact, our kids don’t just hear our words—they feel our attention. They learn that what they say is important, that they aren’t just competing with a screen or a to-do list. And when they finally look away, satisfied with our response, they aren’t left questioning whether we were really listening.
It reminds me of what often happens with my oldest. She’s often wants me to see what she’s doing—even if it’s the fifth rock she’s shown me that looks “a coconut from Moana.” When we’re outside and the kids are playing, I get called on a lot to witness some not-so-entertaining things. And still, I do my best to look up each time with genuine interest
Because I know, without a doubt, that in those moments, I’m helping her feel heard and valued.
She’s not just sharing the rock or the stick or the chalk drawing—she’s sharing herself.
And as the oldest, I think she also craves a deeper kind of connection. Sometimes she just wants to have a real conversation with someone who isn’t a toddler or preschooler. Even if what she’s saying seems small, the need behind it is valid.
So I look. I ask a question. I engage—because those are the moments that build trust between us. Those are the moments that remind her she matters.
Modeling Respect and Presence
And when I think about it, I’m also modeling something important: how to show respect when someone is speaking. By making eye contact and listening with intention, I’m teaching my children how to do the same.
They are constantly picking up on social cues, using our everyday interactions as their guide. Whew! Talk about pressure!
Have you ever seen that quote that says something along the lines of, “When a child hugs you, don’t be the first to let go”? I think the same applies to eye contact with our kids. Holding that moment just a little longer shows them they have my full attention. It tells them: I see you. You’re important. I’m here.
It’s such a subtle shift, and yet the ripple effect is enormous. Because these moments stack up. Over time, they build trust. They shape how our kids learn to share their thoughts, how they open up, and how they relate to others.
Responding Slowly: Giving Their Words the Weight They Deserve
Another shift I’ve made is not rushing to respond. I get really excited about this one because when I do it, I feel like I’m truly showing up as the parent I want to be. It’s easy to default to quick replies—“Oh, cool!” or “That’s nice!”—but taking a breath before responding does two things:
1. It slows my own mind down. Instead of jumping from task to task and answering on autopilot, I get a moment to be present.
2. It teaches my kids that their words deserve thought. When I pause, consider, and then respond, they feel heard. They see that what they’re saying is worth my attention.
Sometimes I’ll even ask a follow-up question, like, “Wow, how do you think you get the coconut water out of the coconut?”—not because I have time to dive into a long conversation, but because I want them to know I value what they’re sharing and talking to me.
Presence Doesn’t Mean Perfection
Now, before you start feeling like you have to drop everything every single time your child speaks—take a breath. Presence doesn’t mean perfection.
It’s not about being available 24/7 or making every moment magical. It’s not about being “on” all the time or never missing a beat. Let’s be real—sometimes the bacon gets burned, the baby is crying, and someone still needs to find their other shoe.
Presence is about making intentional choices where we can.
It’s about creating touchpoints throughout the day where our kids feel seen and safe.
They don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be human. To try. To keep showing up. ♥
What Presence Looks Like in Different Seasons
Presence might look different depending on the season of life you’re in. With a newborn in the mix, maybe it’s just one intentional moment a day. With a toddler, maybe it’s crawling into their play space for five minutes before you tackle the next task.
It doesn’t have to be hours of undivided attention. Just enough to say: I’m here. I’m with you.
Some days, presence looks like reading together. Other days, it’s dancing in the kitchen or sitting quietly next to them while they draw. And some days, presence looks like a deep breath and a gentle “I’ll be right there” when you’re in the middle of something important.
Balancing It All
Of course, the reality is that there’s always something to do. We can’t always drop everything, and our kids need to understand that too.
But choosing intentional moments—putting down the phone, making eye contact, pausing before responding—helps us balance being present with getting things done.
It’s not about doing everything right. It’s about doing the little things with care. Over time, those little things add up to a lot.
So the next time your child calls your name, consider these small shifts:
• Put your phone down.
• Make eye contact.
• Listen.
• Pause before responding.
• Wait until they look away before you move on.
Small shifts, but they build connection in the middle of the busiest days. And those little moments? They’re what our kids will remember.
I’d love to hear – what does presence look like in your home? What helps you stay present with your kids during the chaos of everyday life?